Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
