I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
