it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
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