My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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