If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
