dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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