Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
