mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
