my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
