Already got asked if we're dating
it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
