Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
