I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
