I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
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