My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Well I just put wine in my tea
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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