I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
