sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
