Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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