i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
