Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
