oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
