I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Randomize
