Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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