I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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