didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Randomize
