Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
