Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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