He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
