I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
