Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
