I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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