I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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