the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
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