There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Randomize
