I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
