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• (205): View more from Alabama

  Do you want the good news or bad news first?

  (678): View more from Georgia

  bad news

  (205): View more from Alabama

  The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.

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• (760): View more from California

  Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.

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• (617): View more from Massachusetts

  you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up

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• (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes

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• (310): View more from California

  I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.

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• (920): View more from Wisconsin

  I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.

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• (360): View more from Washington

  can I cover your dick in cookie butter?

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• (801): View more from Utah

  So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.

  (702): View more from Nevada

  No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.

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• (520): View more from Arizona

  I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.

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• (469): View more from Texas

  How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.

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• (812): View more from Indiana

  Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret

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• (919): View more from North Carolina

  Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.

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• (315): View more from New York

  I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.

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• (212): View more from New York

  My penis is lonely

  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  So is my ring finger

  Fav 0 144 28

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• (310): View more from California

  Need to use your shower bro.

  (1-310): View more from California

  FWB wearing glitter again?

  (310): View more from California

  It’s like she’s marking her territory

  Fav 0 100 13

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