Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
