just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
