I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
