He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
We got so high we made milksteak
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
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