You're earring is so big in my mouth
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
