I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
grandma shit on top of the toilet
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
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