this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
