My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
