I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
