If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
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