The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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