My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
