Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize
