My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
