I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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