Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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